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Day 4: Monday 22nd August

Today's show was hard.

I'd stayed at ACMS longer than I wanted- I hadn't drank much so I wasn't hungover, but I was tired. I had a lie in, which was for the best, and got to the venue so I could set up slower. Pretty much skipped breakfast. Only had time for 5 minutes of flyering. Nothing was rushed, I just started later and did everything slower.

I didn't take any photos so here's today's BeReal. The caption was: Changed running order n didn't like.Scared reviewer was in.Being hard on myself.

I had 4 in, and I gave the show everything I had, but I just couldn't get them laughing out loud or joining in. I added the bits from my set again but I didn't get them in the same places and I felt like it didn't work as well. I realised as I was heading in the set chain of material before the final Vlad segment that I'd forgotten 52 motorheads, the prestige of the set material. I did it too late and it ruined the emotional pathos of the show, really undercut it. I'm worried it made me look crass with the subject matter, look self-indulgent and that I'm swinging around my trauma wantonly.

I think I'm beating myself up so much because I'm tired, but also I think I had a reviewer in. A guy in a suit with a very piercing gaze and groaned at some of the Vlad jokes. I get it, man, I ended up with Vlad because I don't like pun-only comedy either, that's why he grows out of it at the end of the show, where the punchlines are almost superfluous.

I'm feeling very down in the dumps. If there is no review of this one, I will be glad. I have a party invite to Dave's Comedians Night off tonight and I'll go cos it's a big deal, but I'm wearing more comfortable shoes, having a nap before, getting my flyering done, and having gone over my set and decided if the new material stays. I enjoy the new Armadillo jokes I've written, but I have too many that break the two-word pattern. Time to cherry-pick and prune again.

But I beat my goal of >3. All I need to do now is enjoy myself today and my day will be a success. I think I've left it too late to go home at time of writing if I'm exit flyering at Andrew's show at 6:30. Maybe tomorrow is the day I go home right after my show and have a relax. I've had a nice time in Loft Bar writing this and getting yesterday's post up (i forgot my laptop charger).

I really hope he was just a guy in a shirt and blazer. Ugh.

But, as my girlfriend has texted me- the important thing is the audience. One guy really liked it, and my other audience member enjoyed it too. And what happened yesterday, that is the audience this show is for. And how my work effected the person yesterday has really been getting me through today. It's a cycle.

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